Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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