They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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