you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
