at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
