I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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