she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
