We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I looked at my own cervix.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
