Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
