Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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