he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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