i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
