Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
