Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
