And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
