Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
