I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
