whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
