We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
