So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
