Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
