Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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