i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
