i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
