I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My dick has a subreddit
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize