She bit a glass in half.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
