I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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