I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
