Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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