At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
