So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
