Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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