When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
