who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
