Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
