I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
