Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
