he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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