porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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