In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
