Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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