hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize