so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
