i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize