im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just invented taco cereal.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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