I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
