i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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