i was born a porn star she said
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
