dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
