I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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