What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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