we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize