Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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