we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
