found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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