its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
