You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize