he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Boobs speak an international language.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
