Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
MIDGETS
????
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
