Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
