Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
