my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
