sarcasm needs its own font
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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