she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
