ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
