you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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