he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize