Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
