remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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