We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
