im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
