I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
