Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
