She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
