I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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