You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
