You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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